Ung hjón um þrítugt

Ung hjón um þrítugt voru búinn að koma börnunum í háttinn og voru að æfa náttúrunnar glímubrögð, þegar konan var komin á rétt rakastig sagði hún , elskan sæktu smokkinn. Smokkarnir voru geymdir í skúffu við endann á rúminu. Maðurinn sat þar og var að setja upp græjurnar þegar að 7 ára gamall sonur þeirra kemur inn í herbergið nývaknaður við vondan draum. Konan var fljót að hugsa og reif sængina upp að höku og þóttist vera sofandi, maðurinn var í vondum málum með flaggað í fulla stöng, en skellti sér á fjóra fætur á gólfinu til að fela dýrðina. Strákurinn spurði pabba sinn undrandi "hvað ertu að gera pabbi". Þá var kall fljótur að hugsa og sagði "ég hélt ég hefði séð mús, og sýndist hún hlaupa undir rúmið" Börn eru ekki eins vitlaus og fullorðið fólk heldur. Strákurinn spurði " pabbi, ef þú nærð henni , ætlarðu þá, að ríða henni. ??

Nonni 5 aur

Hún: Hvað lít ég út fyrir að vera gömul?
Hann: Humm hárið 21
Húðin: 23
Brjóstin: 18
...rassinn: 20
......Hún: Fliss í alvöru?
Hann: já bíddu ég á eftir að leggja þetta saman

Woman Wakes Up From A ‘Hangover’-Esque Night With George Clooney In Norwegian Bank Ad

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Some American older gentlemen think fast...

  
 

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

Nonni 5 aur

Eldri maður í frekar lélegu formi tók upp á því að fara í ræktina. Einn
daginn sér hann eina lögulega snót æfa hinum megin í salnum. Hann segir
við þjálfarann sinn; "Í hvaða vél þarf ég að fara til að ganga í augun á
þessari?"
Þjálfarinn lítur á hann, mælir upp og niður og segir svo:" Prófaðu
hraðbankann í anddyrinu."

Krampi eða Haus ?

HOW TO START A FIGHT

HOW  TO START A FIGHT

         One  year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

          The next  year, I didn't buy her a gift.

          When she asked  me why, I replied,

          "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

          And that's how the fight started......

          ________________________________


          My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.

          I turned to  her and said, 'Do you want to have  Sex?'

          'No,' she answered. I then said,

          'Is that your final answer?'

          She didn't even look  at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

          So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

          And that's when the fight started....

          ________________________________




          My  wife and I were sitting at a table at her school
reunion, and she kept staring at a  drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

          I asked her, "Do you know  him?"

          "Yes", she sighed,

          "He's my old  boyfriend.  I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago,  and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

          "My  G od!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

          And then the fight  started...

          ________________________________


          When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it  fixed.  But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the  boat,
making beer.... Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of  a clever way to make her point.

          When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the  tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny  pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I  came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you  might as well sweep the driveway."

          The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always  have a  limp.

          ______________________________


          My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

          She asked, "What's on TV?"

          I said, "Dust."

          And then the fight started...

          ________________________________


          Saturday  morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked up the
boat up to the  van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would  be bad all day.

          I went back into the house,  quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The  weather out there is
terrible."

          My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

          And that's how the fight started....

          _______________________________


          My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

          She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

          I bought her a bathroom scale.

          And then the fight started......

          ______________________________


          After retiring, I went to the Social Security office  to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

          I looked in my  pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

          The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

          She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

          When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.  She said, 'You should have  dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

          And then the fight started...

          ________________________________


          My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom  mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

          "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

     I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

          And then the fight started...

          ________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.

 

Save Miranda!

Don Cheadle is Captain Planet

Don Cheadle is Captain Planet from Don Cheadle