Sarah Silverman “Late Show With David Letterman” Video (October 13)

All The Same

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the
First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and
it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty
minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First
Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed
Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese
not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike." Another thirty
minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like
Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."

Investment

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

Loðin Gjöf

 

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after your check has cleared."

So Sam and the woman leave. On Monday, the Morris returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here? There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!"

"I just had to come by," grinned Sam, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

Ef þið eruð að fylgjast með kosningarbáráttunni í USA , þá verðið þið að sjá þetta

Fyndið

Hlæjum á vandræðatímum - Leaving Trails

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

Þessi er snilld

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
 
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three 

wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
 
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes 

love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
 
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills. 

Then, there's a knock at the door He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan 

outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's  

dead.
 
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; It's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.'

Geir Broskallinn Haarde talar íslensku !!!

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Whatever You Like