George Lucas og Steven Spielberg #$%&%$&I($%# INDY

Bjórauglýsingarnar eru oft skondnar

HA HA HA HA

A guy goes into a bar. He orders a beer, and after a while he needs to go to the toilet. Because he is afriad someone will drink his beer, he puts a small note on it that says: "I spit in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns, and there is another note on the beer, saying "So did I!".

Border Questions

An elderly couple was crossing the Canadian border to go to their winter recluse in Florida. At the crossing they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard, on his first day at work. He commenced to ask the couple a battery of questions and check for passports.

The husband, on behalf of his almost deaf wife, answered the barrage of queries.

Officer: "Where are you going?"

Husband: "We're on vacation and going to Florida."

Wife: "What did he say? What did he say?"

Husband: "He wants to know where we're going."

Officer: "How long will you be gone?"

Husband: "About one month."

Wife: "What did he say? What did he say?"

Husband: "He wants to know how long we'll be gone."

Officer: "Where are you from?"

Husband: "We're from Toronto, Ontario."

Officer: "Toronto, huh. I was there once. Nice city. Had the worst date experience in my life."

Wife: "What did he say? What did he say?"

Husband: "He says he knows you!"

Keeping Pure

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it makes my husband pretty upset."

The Bird is the Word

Blonde In Jail

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head escaping from jail. The brunette ran up a tree and a police officer yells "who is there?" and the brunette says "tweet tweet". So the police officer walks away.

Then, the redhead runs up the tree and the police officer says "who is there?" and the red head says "meow" so the police officer walks away.

So the blonde runs up the tree and the police officer says "who is there?" the blonde says "moooo"

Viagra

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the hell are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

Good And Bad News

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

Patient: That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?

Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

Stórasta bankarán Íslandssögunnar ( Grein eftir SS í 24 stundum í dag )

Það er búið að vera mikið um rán og

gripdeildir að undanförnu. Gjafakvótakerfið

heppnaðist fullkomlega sem

stærsta rán Íslandssögunnar og fyrir

nokkrum dögum upplýsti Jón Ásgeir að

það hefði verið framið bankarán, hvorki

meira né minna en stærsta bankarán Íslandssögunnar,

jafnvel heimsins. Þetta

er um margt sögulegt bankarán því forsvarsmenn

bankans leituðu til bankaræningjans

og samþykktu ránið með

undirskrift. Þetta gerðist svona: Davíð

gekk inn í bakherbergið og beindi byssu

að gagnauga Þorsteins Más og sagði:

„Velkominn til vítis, auli. Ég heiti Davíð

og ég er bankaræningi. Glitnir er að

fara til andskotans, þ.e.a.s. til mín. Ég

ætla að hirða bankann af ykkur. Ég er

með ríkisstjórnina hérna í rassvasanum

og nú er lag að dúndra hraustlega í

punginn á Jóni Ásgeiri drulludela.

Skrifaðu undir eða þú færð eitthvað

annað en flugu í höfuðið, motherfucker!“

Allt sem miður fer í þessum heimi er

Davíð að kenna. Hann og Satan eru tvíburar.

Jón Ásgeir, sem bráðum mun

breyta nafni sínu í Jón Násker, vill

meina að Davíð sé handrukkari ríkisins

og einn mesti ræningi sögunnar, fyrir

utan matvörukaupmenn. Ég vil hins

vegar meina að stærsta rán Íslandssögunnar

sé rán bankanna á landsmönnum

í formi glæpsamlega hárra

vaxta. Bankalán = bankarán. Þetta

Glitnis-„rán“ er smotterí í samanburði

við það raunverulega rán og það mun

standa yfir um ókomin ár.

 

Sverrir Stormsker

 

YFIR STRIKIÐ

 

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