Angry Butcher

Running into a lawyer’s private office, a butcher yelled angrily, "If a dog steals a hunk of meat from my shop, is his owner obligated to pay?"

"Of course!" replied the lawyer.

"Okay then, your dog just stole half a rack of ribs worth £20 from my shop.

"Give him the other half," said the lawyer, "and it will cover my consultation fee."

Kisi með Augabrýr

hehehe

Funniest Movie Death Scenes

Þessi er alltaf góður og með fyndin myndbönd

Úps

Morris and his wife Esther

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,

And every year Morris would say,

'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied,

'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,

And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,

'Esther, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied,

'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed!'

Morris replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Esther fell out,

But ,  you know,

fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...

 A  mature lady gets pulled over for  speeding...

 

 Older  Woman:  Is there a problem, Officer?

 Traffic Cop:  Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. 

 Older  Woman:  Oh, I see.

 

 Traffic Cop:  Can I see your license please?

 

 Older  Woman:  Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

 

 Traffic Cop:  Don't have one?

 

 Older  Woman:  No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

 

 Traffic Cop:  I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers

 please.

 

 Older  Woman:  I can't do that.

 

 Traffic Cop:  Why not?

 

 Older  Woman:  I stole this car.

 

 Traffic Cop:  Stole it?

 

 Older  Woman:  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

 

 Traffic Cop:  You what!?

 Older  Woman:  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you

 want to see

 

 The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car

 while calling for back up.  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the

 car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half

 drawn gun.

 

 Officer  2:  Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle  please!

 

 The  woman steps out of her vehicle.

 

 Older  woman:  Is there a problem sir?

 

 Officer  2:  My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car

 and  murdered the owner.

 

 Older  Woman:  Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

 

 Officer  2:  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,  

 please.

 

 The  woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty  trunk.

 

 Officer  2:  Is this your car, ma'am?

 

 Older  Woman:  Yes, here are the registration papers.

 The traffic cop is quite  stunned.

 

 Officer  2:  My colleague claims that you do not have a driving

 license.

 

 The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch  purse and

 hands it to the officer.

 

 The officer examines the  license quizzically.

 

 Officer  2:  Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my

 officer here that you didn't have a  license, that you stole this

 car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

 

 Older  Woman:  Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding,  too.

  

 Don't  Mess With Mature Ladies

Monty Python - I'd like to buy a hearing aid

Tameka "Tiny" Cottle - Member of Xscape, baby mama of T.I. and star of BET's Tiny & Toya