Eigingirni eða...?

Íri nokkur að nafni Murphy fór til læknis eftir langvarandi veikindi. Læknirinn skoðaði hann vel og vandlega.  Þegar skoðuninni var lokið dæsti læknirinn og sagði:  "Ég hef slæmar fréttir að segja þér.  Þú ert með krabbamein sem verður ekki læknað. Þú átt ekki nema tvær vikur eftir ólifaðar,  mánuð í mesta lagi."

Murphy var að vonum brugðið.   En þar sem að hann var jarðbundinn maður var hann fljótur að jafna sig.

Hann fór fram þar sem að sonur hans beið eftir honum.  Murphy sagði við hann:   "Sonur sæll, við Írar höldum upp á hlutina hvort sem gengur vel eða illa.  Í þetta skipti ganga þeir mjög illa.  Ég er með krabbamein og á skammt eftir ólifað. Förum nú á pöbbinn og fáum okkur nokkra bjóra."

Eftir fjóra bjóra voru feðgarnir orðnir aðeins kátir.  Þeir hlógu og drukku meiri bjór og skemmtu sér mjög vel.  Nokkrir vinir Murphys gamla komu að borðinu hjá þeim og spurðu hvað þeir væru að halda upp á.  Murphy sagði að þeir Írar héldu bæði upp á það góða og slæma og í þetta skiptið væri það slæmt þar sem hann ætti stutt eftir.  Vinirnir urðu furðulostnir og spurðu hvað það væri sem hrjáði hann.  Murphy sagði að hann væri nýkominn frá lækninum sem hefði greint hann með alnæmi og hann ætti bara tvær vikur eftir.  Félagarnir fengu sér nokkra bjóra með Murphy til að samhryggjast honum og tíndust svo burtu þegar leið á kvöldið.

Þegar vinirnir voru allir farnir hallaði sonurinn sér að Murphy og sagði:  "Pabbi, ég hélt að þú værir með krabbamein en þú sagðir vinum þínum að þú værir að deyja úr alnæmi."  Murphy svaraði:  "Ég er með krabba, sonur sæll.  Ég vil bara ekki að neinn af þessum andskotum skríði upp í til mömmu þinnar þegar ég er farinn."

Úfff Vandræðalegt Solange

Before Solange Knowles was interviewed on Fox News Las Vegas she was asked if she would mind talking about Jay Z's 40/40 club closing. Solange's rep said that's not happening and Fox agreed to talk about just Solange.

The interview then went LIVE and Solange told the presenter "I have to say that was not a very professional introduction before. Please don't tie me into family and brother in laws establishment."

The presenter clearly doesn't have a clue what she was on about and apologised anyway before someone said "That wasn't live Solange."

Dumb idiot !!! 

Wrong Number

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

Vinnustaðastríðni

I'm On Setanta Sports 23 August 2008

Konur og farartæki

 

15 ára...eins og skellinaðra, hávær,  höst og enginn getur látið sjá sig á slíku farartæki.

 

20 ára...eins og jeppi, erfitt að komast um borð, eyðir miklu, drif á vargur á vegleysum.

 

25 ára...eins og leigubíll, mjúk, fljót, en allt fyrir borgun.

 

30 ára...eins og flugvél, lætur bíða eftir sér, en þægileg ef menn þora og tíma að borga.

 

35 ára...eins og langferðabíll, mjúk, örugg og fer með þig alla leið.

 

40 ára...eins og sendibíll, mikið pláss, lítil þægindi.

 

45 ára...eins og strætó, opin í báða enda.

 

50 ára...eins og strandferðaskip, allir hafa gleymt því að ferðast með.

 

55 ára...eins og reiðhjól, erfið, úrelt og aldrei í lagi.

 

60 ára...eins og ferðahandbókin, getur sagt þér flest um ferðalög.

  

og hananú...................

Presidential Contest

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, "Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating."

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, "Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?"

Obama replied, "Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice".

Viagra For The Elderly

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

"How are you grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

Pregnancy Advice

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.'

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?

Af hverju datt mér þetta ekki í hug hehe

David Beckham’s life story could be on its way to the London stage in the form of a “powerful, gospel-like rock” West End musical.

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