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MATRIX CAT!

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Apparently, a self-important college freshman attending a recent football
game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him
why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
 
'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one, the
student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.  The young
people of today grew up with:
           Television
           Jet planes
           Space travel
           Man walking on the moon
           Our space probes have visited Mars
           We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars
           Cell phones
           Computers with light-speed processing...and more. '
 
After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows:
 
'You're right, son.  We didn't have those things when we were young
........so we invented them.  Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you
doing for the next generation?
'The applause was deafening.......

"Rabbits Revenge"

"Rabbits Revenge"

Rabbit's Revenge

Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other guts.

One day whilst arguing in the forrest, the bear lost his temper and kicked an old lamp that had been left by campers.

To their surprize a genie popped out and granted them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." His wish was granted.

The Genie turned to the rabbit who said "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

"And for your second wish bear?" Demanded the genie, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." He got his wish.

The rabbit without delay took his second wish, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet."

"Final wish bear!" Bellowed the genie. The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." After having his wish granted he smirked at the rabbit and strutted off into the forrest.

The rabbits eyes lit up, he turned to the genie and he said, "For my last wish, I wish that bear was gay."

Áttu von á tvíburum ?

RULES FOR WOMEN

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes , tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really !!!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this, Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Köld eru kvennaráð !

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

50 $

Morris  and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year  Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that  helicopter.' Esther  always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty  dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One  year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm  85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get  another chance.' To  this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,  and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The  pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll  take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire  ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word,  it's fifty dollars.' Morris  and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy stunts, but not a word was heard... He did his daredevil tricks over  and over again, but still not a word.
When  they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did  everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm  impressed!'
Morris  replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when  Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty  dollars!'

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