Aðstoðarmennirnir í Hollywood hehehe fyndið stöff

Hollywood ASST from Back of the Class on Vimeo.

Ljóskurnar

A  blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help  
Me.  I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get  
Started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when  it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the  box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help  with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the  puzzle spread all over
The table.

He studies the pieces for a  moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
Her and says,  

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to  
Assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He  takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a  
Nice cup of tea, and then ," he said with a deep sigh, ......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 


"Let's put all  the Corn Flakes back in the  box."  

 

Wrestler Spaug frá Funny Or Die

The Uncler w/ Uncle Sam and Alyssa Milano from Alyssa Milano

Úpps

El Toro

Vont

THE INTERNATIONAL COUNCIL OF MAN LAWS

THE INTERNATIONAL COUNCIL OF MAN LAWS
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.  However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.  In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. But you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.  Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an X-Box 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.  Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

' GUTS ' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

' BALLS ' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws

Áttu sjúkrakassa ?

Spaug dagsins

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one  blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'  CAR TROUBLE  


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.  


After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  


She says, 'What's the story?'  


He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'  


She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'  


   


SPEEDING TICKET  


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. 


She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'  


  


RIVER WALK 


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'  


    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You  ARE on the other side.'  


   


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE 


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.  


    'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'  


The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;  


likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.  


    The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?  


    'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'  


    'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'  


   


KNITTING 


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!  


    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'  


    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'  


   


BLONDE ON THE SUN  


    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'  


    The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'   


    The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  


    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.  'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. 


    To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'  


   


IN A VACUUM  


     A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'  


    She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'    


FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!  


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.   Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  


'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde.  'They're watch dogs!'

TOO FUNNY!!!!!!! & a little educational

TOO FUNNY!!!!!!! & a little educational In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death   (Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

 (Do they look different reversed?) 
*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
 (A brick?)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for
 virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close tothis?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.  The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England  - but only in tropical fish stores. 
 
(But of course!)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
 
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 
In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.' 

(Is this a great country or what?  Well, not as great as Guam!)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

 (Who volunteers for these tests?) 
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 
Butterflies taste with their feet.  (Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
 (I know some people like that.)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
 
(I know some people like that, too.)
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 And, the best for last? Turtles can breathe through their butts.
 (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!) 
 
Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach me in the future I will
 be in Guam