Ljóshærður

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

''You scumbag!" says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

Banned Commercial - Catfight

The Razzie nominations have been announced - Það versta úr kvikmyndaheiminum árið 2008

 

 

The Razzie nominations have been announced. Mike Myers and Paris Hilton have topped the nominations. Mike Myers flop of a film "The Love Guru" got a whopping 7 nominations while Paris Hiltons film The Hottie And The Nottie got 2 nominations.

Worst Movie:

Disaster Movie

The Happening

The Hottie and the Nottie

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

The Love Guru

Meet the Spartans

Worst Actor:

Larry the Cable Guy - Witless Protection

Eddie Murphy -Meet Dave

Mike Meyers -The Love Guru

Al Pacino -88 Minutes and Righteous Kill

Mark Wahlberg - The Happening and Max Payne

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba - The Eye and The Love Guru

The Cast of The Women (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan)

Cameron Diaz -What Happens in Vegas

Paris Hilton -The Hottie and the Nottie

Kate Hudson - Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl

Worst Supporting Actor:

Uwe Boll (as himself) - Uwe Boll's Postal

Pierce Brosnan - Mamma Mia!

Ben Kingsley - The Love Guru, War, INC. and The Wackness

Burt Reynolds - Deal and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Verne Troyer - The Love Guru and Uwe Boll's Postal

Worst Supporting Actress

Carmen Electra - Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans

Paris Hilton - Repo: The Genetic Opera

Kim Kardashian - Disaster Movie

Jenny McCarthy -Witless Protection

Leelee Sobieski - 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King

Worst Screen Couple:

Uwe Boll and Any Actor

Camera or screenplay

Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher -What Happens in Vegas

Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore -Hottie and the Nottie

Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy -Witless Protection

Eddie Murphy IN Eddit Murphy - Meet Dave

No Doubt snýr aftur í sumar

 

After a five year break, Grammy-winning rock band No Doubt announced plans a 2009 summer tour on Wednesday.

“The whole reason for going on this tour was to have fun, try on all our favorite songs again and to get inspired to make new music,” says lead singer Gwen Stefani. “It feels good to be all together again.”

“Now that five years have passed, the excitement level for us is extremely high,” drummer Adrian Young adds. “We are so fresh and ready! I feel like a kid again when rehearsing these songs.”

Set to launch this May in the U.S. and Canada, the band will play arenas and amphitheaters across North America with special guest Paramore.

“What a dream tour! We couldn’t be more excited to kick off 2009 by touring with a band like No Doubt,” said Paramore singer Hayley Williams. Actual dates will be announced soon, stay posted on new info on the tour at http://www.nodoubt.com.

No Doubt last toured in 2004 with Blink 182.

"THE DIFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN"

"THE DIFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN"

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

**********************

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $10, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

*********************

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

********************

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

******************

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

********************

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men throw things at cats.

**********************

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

**********************

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

********************

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change... but she does.

**********************

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man may put on shoes for weddings and funerals.

*********************

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

**********************

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

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