NO PUN INTENDED

NO PUN INTENDED
THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST
LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT.

 ..Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun
Contest:

 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
 raccoons The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
 sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
"Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the 
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your Kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other 
says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused painkillers during a
root canal? His goal-
to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in 
the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories After about an hour, the manager came out of the 
office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?", they asked, as they moved off "Because," he said," I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an openfoyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other
goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan. " Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his 
birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of 
Ahmal Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened 
up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God,
a rival florist across town thought
the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired 
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an 
impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) a super 
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to 
friends, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.