Ricky Gervais Serenades Elmo With A Lullaby

Eins gott að haf hljótt þegar Messi horfir á bolta ..... Annars SMACK

Einn til umhugsunar...

Palli var á leiðinni á mikilvægan fund niðri í bæ og gekk illa að
finna bílastæði.
Palli var nokkuð trúaður og leit til himins og sagði stundarhátt: "Góði guð,
hjálpaðu mér núna. Ef þú finnur fyrir mig bílastæði skal ég fara í messu á
hverjum sunnudegi það sem eftir er. Og ég skal hætta að drekka."
Skyndilega, eins og fyrir kraftaverk, birtist bílastæði beint fyrir Palla.
Hann lítur til himins og segir: "Gleymdu þessu. Ég fann bílastæði!

Up Meets Gran Torino

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TIGER

 

Jóla Hvað , Jack Bauer yfirheyrir sveinka

Sveinki var pirraður.

Sveinki var pirraður. Aðstoðarmenn jólasveinsins höfðu farið á fyllerí, keyrt hreindýrasleðanum eins og brjálæðingar. Framleiðslu gjafanna seinkað og engillinn sem hann sendi til að finna jólatré, ekki sýnt sig.
 
Loksins kemur engillinn heim með tréið og segir ólundarlega "hvar á ég svo að troða þessu fokkings tré"
 
Síðan þá hefur verið hefð að hafa engil á toppnum á jólatréinu.

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

English hospitality

 
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
 
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
 
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
 
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."
 
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"
 
"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."