Your Diet -----

For those of you who watch what you eat...
Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine andsuffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Já grínistarnir eiga eftir að sakna þess að Bush haldi ræðu

Bush segir árangur sinn ótvíræðan

Tveir náungar úr Reykjavík :

 

Tveir náungar stóðu og klóruðu sér í hausnum fyrir framan flaggstöng þegar konu eina bara að.  Spurði hverju þeir væru að velta vöngum yfir.

Aaaaa, við eigum að finna hæðina á stönginni en við erum ekki með neinn stiga.  Aaaaa, heyrðist frá konunni, opnaði tösku sína, tók út skiptilykil, losaði stöngina upp, lagði hana niður, tók nú upp málband og mældi stöngina:  5 metrar og 65 sentimetrar, og hélt hún síðan á braut.

 

Eftir stóðu þeir félagar skellihlægjandi:  Er þetta ekki dæmigert fyrir konur, okkur vantaði hæðina en hún sagði okkur lengdina.

 

Þessir félagar eru hátt settir í fjármálageiranum á Íslandi og starfa fyrir íslenska ríkið.

Fjöldi manns á Austurvelli

Verulega hress auglysing

Star Wars líst af stúlku sem hefur lítið sem ekkert séð af myndunum

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Virgin's Confession

A sixteen year-old virgin girl has a bad day, so she goes to visit her priest after hours in his office. Late that evening, she goes to his office for guidance and confession.

"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
" Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch?" the priest asked.
" Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission."
" Do you mean like this?" he asked, as he touched her arm.
" Yes, Father."
" That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
" But, Father, he also touched my breasts."
" Do you mean like this?" he asked, as he touched her breasts.
" Yes, Father."
" That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
" But, Father, he took off my clothes."
" Do you mean like this?" he asked, as he removed her clothes.
" Yes, father."
" That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
" But, Father, then he put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
" Do you mean like this?" he asked, as he put his you-know-what in her you-know-where."
" Yes, Father."
" That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
" But, Father, he has herpes!
Remarked the Father, "That son-of-a-bitch!

Góð

MacBecks

MacBecks

--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

 

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.


If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably  
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer  
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required  
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women  
who can handle the bullshit !

Joan Rivers “Rachael Ray” Video (Heidi Klum & Jennifer Lopez Commentary)