Spegill

 


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How do you turn a fox into an  elephant?
Marry It!

 
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

 
What are the three fastest means
of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone                                                                                                                                                     3) Telawoman

 
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

 
 How is a woman like a condom?
 Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. 

 What should you give a woman who has everything?
 A man to show her how to work it.

 
 Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
 Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

 
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

 
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?Because they don't have balls to scratch. 

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

 
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
 Nothing, she's been told twice already.

 
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

 
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

 
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

 
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.

 
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

 
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

 
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

 
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

 
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

 
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

 
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

 
Women will never be equal to men... until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

  
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women
who can handle the truth!

Munurinn á viðbjóð og fólki

„Mótmælin ekki alveg marktæk"

Senda frétt

Blogga um frétt

Stefanía Óskarsdóttir stjórnmálafræðingur segist ekki telja þá atburði sem nú eru að eiga sér stað í Ráðhúsi Reykjavíkur vera sögulega þrátt fyrir að fátítt sé að lögregla sé kölluð til vegna pólitískra mótmælaaðgerða hér á landi.

„Það hefur verið mikil festa í borgarstjórnarmálunum í gegn um tíðina og ég veit ekki til þess að slíkir atburðir hafi átt sér stað fyrr í tengslum við borgarmálin. Ég er hins vegar ekki viss um að þessi mótmæli séu alveg marktæk," sagði hún er blaðamaður mbl.is ræddi við hana í dag. „Þetta er ungt fólk og ungliðar sem hleypur fljótt kapp í kinn. Það þekkir ekki alveg þingsköp og virðir ekki fundarreglur. Þar við bætist að það tekur ekki tilmælum og því var lögregla kölluð til."

Þá sagði Stefanía að  sér hafi sýnst álíka margir ungliðar úr Sjálfstæðisflokknum vera á áheyrendapöllunum og ungliðar minnihlutaflokkanna. Þeir hafi hins vegar sýnt háttvísi og látið sér nægja að klappa er fulltrúar flokksins voru kjörnir í embætti.

Lilli

 
The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate".
 Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
 The teacher sat down and cried.

Kæri Póstur!

Kæri Póstur!

Mig vantar svar við vandamáli, en þannig er að konan mín vinnur oft lengur en
hún þarf, og kemur heim seint og angar þá af rakspíra. Hún brjálast ef ég
skoða gsm inn hennar og fær oft dularfull símtöl í heimsaímann sem hún neitar a
segja frá.  Hún er stundum úti á kvöldin og er þá keyrð heim af ókunnum vini.

Einu sinni ætlaði ég að njósna og gá hver þessi óþekkti maður væri, svo rétt
aður en hún kom heim, læddist ég út og faldi mig bak við mótorhjólið
mitt.  Þá sá ég olíuleka á hjólinu.  Og nú spyr ég, kæri póstur, er eðlilegt að það komi
leki á hjól sem er aðeins búið að keyra um 20.000 km.?

Borgarblús

 

Borgarblús

Dagur er liðinn og dæmalaus sorg,
depurð og leiði í hnípinni borg.
Ólafur Frjálslyndur (óháður þó)
öllu brátt ræður í fjúki og snjó.

Björn Ingi snarar sér Boss-jakkann í,
blessaður engillinn kominn í frí.
Svandís er forviða, heldur um haus,
hennar er stóllinn þó alls ekki laus.

Vilhjámur Þ., sá er stóð upp úr stól
og stakk af til Kanarí rétt fyrir jól,
kemur til baka með börnin sín smá
og borgmester verður að ári hér frá.  

Ísland vs Írak seinni hluti

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=148348